Fear of abandonment haunted you. Your need to control relationships made you push away people you cared about, especially if they cared about you. You feared that someone that close, whom you care for so much, might uncover a great secret that you were sure nobody could possibly understand. More than anything you feared that ultimate rejection. Ironically, loss and fear of loss made it impossible for you to trust your own feelings. They were a source of so many of your problems. Soon, you learned not to ever rock the boat; taking a perverse pride in being a "goer-alonger".
You have to understand and care for yourself. When you have a strong feeling that there is something that you need to act upon, even or especially when, that something is only for you and not for the good of others, resist the urge to push that feeling down.
When you hear someone say something like "Do you have any idea how that (action you are contemplating) will affect me?", carefully consider the motive behind that question.
Know yourself. Understand that what you think is self-control is a lack of self-esteem. Realize how others have learned to manipulate you, then turn those questions around and ask them of yourself.
Do you have any idea how ignoring your own needs will affect you?
